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This is me, my thoughts, my fantasies, my reality...me








I was living! for nene last episode!!!

nene gave me all the life in that episode. from start to finish. 

NeNe is everything. And she’s damn right. 

When you show yourself to the woman
you love, you don’t know your fear

is not fear, itself. You have never been good,
but now you are so good,

who are you? Is it the liquidity of her skin
that bathes the world for you,

or her face, captured like a she-lion
in your own flesh?

This summerbed is soft with ring upon ring
upon ring of wedding, the kind

that doesn’t clink upon contact, the kind
with no contract,

the kind in which the gold is only (only!) light.

Brenda Shaughnessy, excerpt from “Card 19: The Sun”

(via pleasebebrave)

this weekend i had every intention of getting in my car, driving for hours, and not tell anybody…it would probabvly take a fewdays for some to notice

who taught you?


My life is complete

Baby, I love you, I just be fucking her

This line used to trip me out. But now it makes me shake my head, but sometimes I sitll laugh„„„recently, It’s been making me laugh


Soooo many people believe that they understand what loyalty is or what it means but they truly don’t. those same people believe that they exhibit loyalty when they are so far from it. Nai asked me if I would ever take a person back after I’ve let them go mentally and physically. The answer is yes, but only if they come back with maturity and understanding of why I have left them in the first place. I had 2 bestfriends back in middle school and I took them both out of my life before high school. Both were because they didn’t know where their loyalties lie. I can’t say this enough, I want everyone to be happy, I truly do. But at what point do you get confused on where your loyaties lie? Do what makes you happy, Get your man, join your organization, travel; do whatever. But don’t forget about those who have always been there for you. I thought that I would never have to deal with this issue again after high school, but I am dealing with it right now. When you feel like you have to choose between your “friends” and that guy/organization then you have a problem. Honestly, I feel like you should just go with that latter, that’s what you really wanted in the first place right? Why continue to call someone your friend when you always put them on the back burner subliminally giving them the “fuck you” while you’re in your supposedly happy place; but when things go wrong you want to come around? Just let your friends go. When you find yourself having to seek advice from other people who don’t have your true best interest at heart, but just want to validate and encourage your decision, then just let your friends go; you’re getting what you want anyway right? I have ALWAYS had this issue with people that I call my true friends. Not all of them because I still have 1 friend who has been able to go for what she wants and get what she wants without forgetting who her real friend is. She is also the same person who can tell me to shut the fuck up and end that same sentence with I love you and I won’t get offended. But I have had quite a few friends who are accepted into their organization or who become jaded over a guy and forget who has been there for them since day one. 

Loyalty: the state or quality of being loyal; faithfulness to commitments or obligations.

If I call you my friend, I will be loyal to you regardless of what “new” comes into my life or what old tries to become relevant again. I will listen to your advice (although sometimes I do still have to learn the hard way) without brushing you off as the “bitter one” or saying “oh she’s just mad” because I know if you’re truly my friend, then you have my best interest at heart. I would understand that if I can’t talk to you about it, my friend, then there is a serious problem. I would also do something to salvage our friendship when things get rocky because let’s be honest, that does happen sometimes

But, I will not be the only true friend in a friendship. I will not be the only one trying to fix things when it get’s rocky. I will not continue to always be the bigger person and address a situation. If things are going left, I won’t be the only one trying to make it right., THere is only so much loyalty I can exhibity before I decide that there is nothing else I can do, but to just let it go. Graduating college has been so bittersweet for me and leaving Knoxville will be even more bittersweet because I know I will be leaving behind so many “friendships” that have been established. But in all honesty, I have done everything possible. But when you continuously put me on the back burner because you feel “i’m just trippin” then I have to give you the same “fuck you” that you’ve been giving me. It’s bittersweet because I hate for my friendships to end that way. But it’s happened before, so I know I’ll get over it. Moving back home will be such a great change for me. Yes I’m moving back to my hometown, but I’m not moving back with the same people I grew up with. The love that I left Memphis with is no longer there nor is it apart of my life anymore. I am truly starting my life brand new. And I’m excited. I’m excited to say that I am not settling for a mediocre love, lackluster friends, or a life that I have no control over. 

I will be happy, and if leaving everybody behind is what I have to do, then so be it. But I will bring along the small few who have always been loyal to me, and I will always be loyal to them, because that’s what true friends do. It’s hard to say “no new friends” because sometimes you need to drop the old friends in order to go forth with your progress. 

I’m progressing.